I found this article on thenet.ng written by
Chris Ogunlowo and I found it so hilarious
that I had to share it here. It's famous
Nigerians as diseases. Too funny! Enjoy
below...
1. Wizkid Syndrome: A chronic tendency to
create catchy and repetitive hits to a loyal
fan base with a boyish charm that induces
envy from peers and late-bloomers, which
also hides the fact, that one is approaching
quarter-life.
2. Davidotis: A psychiatric condition whereby
a sufferer survives speculations of whether
genuine talent or one’s father’s wealth is the
source of one’s success, alongside a
pervading comparison with an equally
talented whiz-kid.
3. Tuface Syndrome: A rare syndrome that
occurs when prodigious talent meets
prodigious baby-making ability but with a
legendary status, strong social equity and a
staying power that keep a whole industry in
awe.
4. D’banj Obsessive Disorder: A disease
characterized by the feeling that one’s best
days are firmly behind and, as a result, one
looks for outlets to compensate for fading
stardom and income, including taking relief in
farming-
5. Dangotiosis: A condition marked by an
obsession with Dangote‘s wealth, only curable
by a decision to mind one’s own business.
6. Lindapilepsy: A strong and strange
resentment that occurs when news of Linda
Ikeji’s wealth arises, which is commonly
observed among struggling publicists, jealous
digital marketers, hungry journalists, and
retired or rival bloggers.
7. Iyanyamariasis: The abnormal ability of a
cell to spot errors in its former ways before
proceeding to create a trademark style that
takes waist gyrations to nerve-racking heights
with performances worthy of Mr. Universe
Pageantry.
8. Tontolitis : The debilitating ability to sustain
fame in an erratic way as it was acquired
while still smiling to the bank.
9. PSquarisasis: When two malignant cells
take the understanding of a market to
unprecedented heights resulting in a
dominance previously thought impossible and
doing it with a discernible Igbo accent.
10. Don Jazzy Disorder: A disorder that makes
an organ produce back-to-back hits and
maintain a social equity that can embarrass
pastors and politicians, including a social
media addiction and an idiosyncratic singing
style that impresses.
11. Kceeosis: A cell’s ability to confuse
celebrity with a right to make embarrassing
wardrobe choices and a knack for coming out
even more horrendous than a previous time
despite public outcry and bile from popular
bloggers.
12. Jenniferiasis: The ability of an organ to
exhibit behavior that would ordinarily be
considered razz to a point where the lines
between acting and reality are blurred but
compensated with popular adulation and
brand endorsements.
13. MIplasia : A type of dwarfism that
compensates the lack of bone growth with
incredible rhyming prowess and a persona
capable of inducing endless admiration and
beef from hustling rappers.
14. Ice Prince Cerebral Cramps: A disorder
that causes exaggerated hip-hop postures, a
rigid conformity to infantile end-rhymes that
turn rap songs into mainstream classics and
also results in multiple awards than most
“serious” rappers.
15. Mode Complex: An affliction that causes
an artist to be the default reference for
prodigious & clever wordplay that, sadly, does
not correlate with the amount of albums sold
or account balance, a living proof of the
saying: ‘grammar no be money’.
16. Dakolomentality: A rare psychotic disorder
that inflicts a sufferer with unlimited guttural
talent but indistinctive brand positioning &
packaging.
17. Olamide Palsy: A malignant tumor that
involves a blatant display of one’s ethnicity
and background combined with traits mostly
reserved for touts but interestingly made into
a premium musical package that surprises
earlier sufferers of the same tumor who faded
into obscurity.
18. Phynognomy: A severe condition similar to
Olamide Palsy but with an Igbo flair and an
ability to turn what would have been a bad
hair day for most into a phenomenal signature
look.
19. Bella Naija Syndrome: An affliction
whereby the Nigerian national man-hour is
spent keeping track of who wore what to
where until one wakes up to the reality of a
wasted lifetime.
20. Kedike Syndrome: A syndrome that causes
a sufferer to endure a clean image despite the
presence of a latent sexuality which experts
guess might lead to a Rihanna Crisis or, in the
extreme, a psychiatric condition of Miley Cyrus
proportions....
