If you're a celeb...and you bleach your
skin...erm, this is for you! Hehe. But I feel
what anyone wants to do with their body is
their business...but read Etcetera's article
below and tell us what you think...
The Association of Bleaching Celebrities of
Nigeria wishes to use this medium to inform
the public that the inexcusable attitude of
some of its members to their fans has been
brought to its attention.
It has also been said that some members of
this esteemed organisation have
embarrassingly refused to shake hands with
their fans and in some of these cases, the
aggrieved fans are said to have been little
kids. On behalf of all celebrity bleachers, we
the ABNC kindly ask for your forgiveness.
You loved us when we were black and we
sincerely ask you not to love us any less even
now that we are light skinned. We also want
you guys to understand that we celebrities
bleach our skin so that we can lighten up your
screens so you will never have to increase the
brightness and contrast of your TV anymore.
You can ask our Nigerian movie producers
why they prefer us light skinned actors. That
being said, we also want to sound a note of
warning to all celebrity bleachers. According
to section 19 of our annually reviewed
constitution, no bleacher operating within our
ranks has any right whatsoever to disrespect
his or her fans. Such unruly attitude should
stop henceforth. Anyone culpable of this
dastardly act will be severely dealt with
according to what is stated in our
constitution. We want to also use this medium
to pass this vital information to the rest of the
public and it will be in the interest of everyone
to read the following very carefully.
The ABNC is the umbrella body of all celebrity
bleachers and we are responsible for every
bleaching celebrity you see on TV and on the
streets. We will also like you to understand
that no celebrity bleacher will intentionally
snub or refuse to shake hands with his or her
fans. A lot of these incidents have occurred as
a result of stigmatisation of bleachers by the
public. Nigerian celebrity bleachers especially
have been unfairly criticised by the public for
having black knuckles, white body and black
yansh. Therefore, the unwillingness of celebrity
bleachers to shake hands in public should be
regarded as a silent protest over the bizarre
treatment accorded bleachers in this country.
They are humans and they deserve the rights
to decide their skin or vein colours. Be it
black, blue, red or rainbow, it is their choice
and the public must accept and respect it.
After all, if you are a very observant fan, you
would have noticed that all light-skinned male
celebrities always wear suits or long sleeve
shirts and walk with their hands in their
pockets. Walking with your hands in your
pockets is prescribed by this distinguished
organisation to all bleachers. In cases of
bleaching gone wry, please note that celebrity
bleachers don’t do all these because they
want to be seen as fashionably sensitive or
too cool to care. They do it to avoid that
embarrassing moment when you discover that
your pretty face celebrity has the hands of a
local tye and dye merchant.
We hope that henceforth, whenever you see a
light skinned celebrity with pocketed hands,
you will save yourself the embarrassment and
kindly let him be. A celebrity bleacher with
bad bleaching experience is like a dog with
rabies and no sane person messes with a
rabies-infected dog. We implore you non-
bleachers to be more sensitive to the plights
of bleachers. To you male fans who love
greeting women with a kiss on their cheeks,
please be advised to keep your damn kisses to
yourself whenever you see those light-skinned
celebs who love tying scarves around their
necks. It is not fair to expose someone’s
multi-coloured neckline to the whole world
because you want to prove that you can greet
like an arab. And if you are a church usher
who is fond of telling people to raise their
hands up during worship, better stay the hell
away from any light-skinned celebrity you see
in church. Allow them to worship with their
hands glued to their sides. We swear, you
don’t want to see that armpit. Our sincere
appreciation also goes to all men out there
dating a celebrity bleacher, we commend your
patience. You have stood by them knowing
you can’t take them to the pool because of
their black yansh. And when they forced you to
take them against your will to the pool, you
still had to endure the fact that they got into
the swimming pool fully dressed in their
leggings, T-shirts and stockings. May you be
rewarded handsomely for your stoicism and
perseverance. One quick advice though,
inasmuch as you may love your bleached
spouse and want to treat her to different types
of adventure, it is paramount that you resist
every pressure to take her to the beach.
Please listen to us very carefully; you have to
protect her from bleachers allergies. They
react to sea water like an ogbanje reacts to
deliverance. And if you don’t want to be
staring at your bleached spouse rolling and
crying in agony on the beach sand, don’t let
the sea water come in contact with her skin.
Nigerians, please stop judging us by the
colour of our skin. We will never be ashamed
to admit to the public that all light-skinned
celebrities are bleachers because this same
bleaching has made us the most preferred in
Nollywood today. It has made our ladies more
desirable and more noticeable by Nigerian
men. It has also helped some of our
colleagues who were straight up ugly become
attractive. That is why our motto is, Show me
a light-skinned celebrity who doesn’t bleach
and I will show you a local dog that doesn’t
eat shit.
Next week South Africa will be hosting one of the biggest fashion shows in Africa, the Mercedez Benz Fashion Week Africa and Mai Atafo will be one of the two Nigerian designer showcasing at the event.
SEND US UR PIC
